United in Eternity [Levi X Reader] Chapter 6

Chapter 6
*reader's perspective*

The bright blinding light slipped through the curtains, caressing my face gently. I opened my eyes, covering them with my hands. I turned my head to see Levi tight asleep next to me. He seemed so peacful, as if no evil in the world ever existed. His perfect skin now sparkled from the preasure of the sun. His arm was still wrapped tightly around me. I softly removed a strayed lock of hair from his face. I could barely believe how beautiful Levi seemed right now. I smiled, as I sliped away from his grip, trying not to wake him up. His hand gripped mine, before I could fully leave the bed.
''_______…'' He murmured still tight asleep. I freed myself, leaning closer to him, kissing him gently on his half opened lips. Levi blushed rapidly. I smiled and made my way out of his room.
I ran into many fellow cadets, who pierced me with their wondering looks. Not far from Levi's room, I bumped into Eren.
''________!? Still not dressed? You need to hurry up!''
''I need to hurry up?'' I asked, confused.
''Yeah! We're leaving in 30 minutes!''
Only then, I remembered, I was leaving. I forgot about our mission. I threw all of those thoughts away, letting my guard down with Levi.
''I-I can't go… No…'' I stumbeled on my words.
''_________, what  are you talking about? It's been planned already.'' Eren reached for my shoulder worried, ''It's not like you to refuse going on a mission.'' He noted.
I shook my head a little. ''Yeah, I'm sorry I guess I'm still tired.''
''Come to think of it, you weren't even down for breakfest!'' Eren noticed.
''I-I oversleept.'' Excusing myself.
''Let's make it like this, I'll go grab you something to eat and you dress up. I’ll bring your food to your room!'' Eren spoke quite loudly and excited.
''Thank you, Eren!'' I said, making my way towards my room.
When I opened the door to my room, I spotted Hanji sitting on my bed. I gasped quietly, being starteled by her presence.
''Oh _______, there you are!'' She shrieked.
''Hanji? What are you doing here? You nearly scared the shit out of me!''
''Ohhh? Did I? Maybe because you're afraid I might know you weren't in your own bed tonight?'' she said, grinining.
''Nah, many people know that.'' I said, with a careless tone, then smirking at her. She ran upto me, pressing her face directly at mine, saying: ''Tell me ALL what happened! NOW!''
''Hanji! Calm down!'' I said, pushing her off of me. ''I don't know what you're talking about.'' I said, turning my head and crossing my arms over my chest. ''If you don't mind now, I need to get dressed.''
''I don't mind actually.'' She said, mockingly.
''So that's how you want it?'' I asked, arogantly, mocking her back. I droped my clothes, walking around my room only in my underwair. I took my uniform out of my closet and started to dress up. I threw a glance over to Hanji, seeing her hold tight to my sheets, staring at me with wide opened eyes and dropped jaw.
''Kyaaaahaaaaaaa!!!'' She suddenly shrieked as if she was being brutally slaughtered.
''Oh come on Hanji! Stop screaming, people will think I'm killing you in here!''
''You are!'' She shouted back, covering her mouth and nose.
''Please do me a favour and clean up the blood and drool after you leave.'' I said, laughing loudly.
''Hooooooo~'' She whined
I started walking to the door.  When, suddenly,  Hanji's hand grabbed me around my wrist tightly.
''Are you okey?'' She asked, words stained in some kind of worry.
''Hanji, what are you talking about?'' I asked, trying to free myself from her tight grip.
''Don't lie…'' She spoke seriously.
I didn't even dare think about it yet. I walked around, thinking to myself everything is fine. I was fooling myself again.
Nothing was alright, I couldn't bare the thought of going into the unknown, with Levi no where near me. My head hung on my shoulders, covering my face with my hair. I didn't want to show, I didn't want to seem weak! But I couldn't hold it in anymore. When I turned to Hanji, I raised my stare directly at her, revieling my tear drowned eyes.
''_______…'' She gasped at me. Pulling me into a hug. ''Where's Levi?'' She asked silently.
''He's… still asleep…'' I murmured.
''What!? What's that idiot still doing in bed?'' I smiled a little hearing her words.
''Please don't wake him up, Hanji.'' I then said, unwrapping from her hands.
''Why not?'' She asked confused.
''He deserves the rest, I couldn't bare to bother him when he looks so peaceful. And I wouldn't want to have extra cleaning duty.'' I said, covering my tears with a bitter smile. Hanji was about to shout at me, but I continued, ''Or… I just couldn't bare saying goodbye. I don't think I can handle to look at him and just leave. It's easier this way.''
''You're…. An idiot, __________.'' Hanji said, coldly.
''I know… I heard that already…'' I said, striking a sincere smile this time.
''How do you think will Levi feel, waking up, alone and confused. Then hearing you just left, without saying anything at all. He'd hate himself forever, worse than that, he would be hurt and broken beyond repair.''          
''Hanji, it's not like I want to do this!'' I shouted, causing even more tear drops to flow over my, already, soaked cheeks.
''If…If I never return, he wouldn't be hurt as much if he hated me.''
''Both of you are complete idiots. Do you really believe he could ever hate you? NEVER, ever, think about doing such a thing again. It's not just yourself that you're causing pain to, it's the one person you love the just aswell.''
I barely saw anything anymore. I would never hurt Levi. I wanted him to be there with me, I wanted him to kiss me, to hold me and tells me he loves me, like he always does. I don't want to be alone! I'm afraid! I'm hurt! I want nothing more, then feeling Levi's arms around me, never to let go. It's breaking me into pieces. Tears formed into waterfalls. I sobbed loudly.
''I-I'm sorry, Hanji.'' I gasped, covering my eyes with my fists, whiping the tears away.
My world fall into pieces and broke me along. I fall to my knees, helplessly. All of my hope was drained away from me. Hanji reached for me, pulling me back up, passing a piece of fabric. It was Levi's cape! I grabbed it, holding onto it firmly, burying my face inside it, sobbing into it. The soft fabric caressed my face gently. It still carried Levi’s scent.

''_______!? ________ where are you!? I managed to get you something to eat!'' I heard Eren calling for me outside my door.
I panicked, looked up at Hanji. My mind was screaming a hundered things at once. I wanted her to hide me somewhere and tell everyone I ran away, or to tell me it was just a joke and I don't have to go anywhere… but most of all, I wanted to see Levi before I leave. But Hanji just gave me a light push towards the door.
''I….N-n….'' I stuttered. I swallowed hard, tying my hair up with Levi's torn cape. I looked at Hanji, before I left the room.
''Thank you…'' I said, smiling despretly at her, disappearing in the coridor.

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We were already in front of the gate, placed into our positions, sitted on our horses. I looked over to see scared and confused faces. Some were just calm, waiting to leave already. Eren kept asking me if I was alright, causing even Reiner and Armin to fall in worry. I calmed them down, but the truth was, nothing was alright. I was turning my head, searching to glance at Levi. He wasn't there. I was loosing my mind. Everytime I heard someone speak, I hastly turned to see who it was. It was never him. I was falling into pieces, my breath was short and my lungs were hurting. The pressure got to me.
Please, please come! Please don't leave me alone! I wish I'd wake him up, I wish I had a chance to say goodbye. Why must I be such an idiot!? I could see him clearly everytime I close my eyes. How soudly he sleeps, no worries, no care. I wanted to remember him like that, not breaking infront of me, bidding farewell. What did I do to deserve this? What did we do to the world? Why is it turning against us?
Levi…
I broke beneath my own thoughts and my heavy heart was pulling me down. Dying on the spot would hurt much less.
''Are you ready, Cadets?'' I heard from afar.
WHAT!? NO!! No… My body shivered rapidly. I covered my face. It's too late. My blood was frozen, just like my mind. It's over… It's time and I'm alone. Tears slipped through my fingers, with every further, my heart cracked a little more.
''He didn't come afterall… Forgive me, Levi…''